


Just Call That Love

by SeiyaTraumaSquad



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assault, Friends to Enemies, M/M, Rivals With Benefits, Unrequited Love, by comfort i mean....things get Talked About, i wasn't gonna go there but adam made it horny in canon idk what i was supposed to do, idk im dumb, minor bdsm reference??, tbh i have no idea how to tag this i kinda just slapped relationship tags on there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 20:46:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30111789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeiyaTraumaSquad/pseuds/SeiyaTraumaSquad
Summary: Four lives intertwined, four sides of the same coinFour different perspectives come together to tell one story of love, disillusionment, desire, and regret.
Relationships: Kikuchi Tadashi/Shindo Ainosuke | Adam, Nanjo Kojiro | Joe & Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom & Shindo Ainosuke | Adam, Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom, Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom/Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Just Call That Love

**Author's Note:**

> I can't do summaries smh. It's an emotional reckoning with all the shit that went down in the last few episodes with Joe, Cherry, Tadashi, and Adam as narrators, idk what else to call it.
> 
> Content warnings for abuse, assault, ephebophilia.....you know, the normal sk8 stuff. Compliant with episodes 8-9

_Joe_

_"Be careful"_ was just about all he had said to Kaoru before the race, but it seemed like such a useless thing to say. The only way one could be careful when Adam was involved was to stay about 50 meters away from him. But he couldn't keep Kaoru from racing him, so all he could do was offer this tiny warning, along with saying _"he's not the Adam he used to be"_. Of course, Kaoru had snarked back _"you don't need to tell me that"_ , but did he really get it? Joe wasn't sure. He couldn't say exactly what Kaoru's feelings towards Adam were now, but despite seeing firsthand what Adam had become, he still seemed to think he could reach him during their race.

In a way, it was similar to the feeling Joe had gotten from Langa during their own race. He knew something was going on between him and Reki, and it wasn't hard to figure out that Langa had no idea how to talk to him. It seemed like such a dumb, simple problem compared to their situation with Adam. It was almost amusing to watch them try so hard. Joe was certain that as soon as they got a clue and actually talked to each other, they'd be back to normal in no time. At the same time, though, they were children. To them it probably seemed like the end of the world. Langa was also seeking out someone who'd gone away, and wasn't that basically what Joe and Kaoru were trying to do? He wasn't sure if it could be called love, or stubbornness, or nostalgia, or what. But to Joe, watching Langa huddle over his broken skateboard, no interest in his own victory, concerned only with whether things could be fixed, it seemed an awful lot like love.

He could still remember very clearly the first time they met Adam, the way Kaoru's entire face lit up with amazement. Joe had known Kaoru for as long as he could remember, and he'd never seen him fall in love. But Kaoru was completely entranced by Adam. Adam had that effect on most skaters, really. Joe supposed it was the early version of the illusion Adam created now with his Love Hug. As for himself, he'd enjoyed skating with Adam, but he was never fixated on him the way Kaoru was. Perhaps already being in love made him immune to the illusion of falling in love.

What did Kaoru hope to accomplish by racing Adam now? Did he really think that Adam wouldn't hurt him just because of the friendship they'd had in the past? Joe wanted to hold him back, drag him away, restrain him if he had to, anything to keep him from getting caught up in Adam's pace again.

He could still see, more clearly than anything, that night when they'd been on the run from the cops, and Kaoru stumbled and nearly fell, and Adam caught him and held him. Joe could see the look on Kaoru's face illuminated in the moonlight. Did he think that Adam was still the kind of person who'd keep him from getting hurt?

He hadn't known why, but in that moment, seeing Adam's arms wrapped around Kaoru, Kaoru's expression absolutely dumbstruck, pissed Joe off more than he could stand. After Adam had gotten back on his board and taken off into the night, as Kaoru started towards where his board had landed, Joe pulled him back and kissed him deeply, pressing him up against the cool cement wall. When he'd finally pulled back, Kaoru had looked at him with a mixture of shock and desperation.

 _Why did you do that?_ He'd asked.

 _You looked like you wanted to be kissed_ , Joe had answered, but that wasn't it, really.

They'd never talked about it again after that, and now when they shared a bed, they pretended it was for no reason but the convenience of already being understood. Joe had always thought sex was better if he didn't have anything to hide.

He didn't know if things could be fixed with Adam. Personally, he just wanted to give him a nice, firm reality check in the way of a fist to his nose. But fate had already decided that Kaoru would be the one to take him on, and there was nothing Joe could do about it except stand back and watch. And if Kaoru took a fall again, it was Joe's turn to catch him.

* * *

_Tadashi_

He knocked on the door three times before letting himself in. Ainosuke was seated at his desk, looking at his laptop, his chin propped on his hand.

"Look. So many entries," he said without breaking his gaze from the screen. "We'll need a qualifier for this."

Hearing no reply, he finally looked up. Tadashi couldn't meet his eyes.

"Is it about Takano?"

"Yes."

Ainosuke stood and turned to face the large window. "If they find Takano guilty, they will accuse me of perjury."

Tadashi bowed as he spoke. "We must take remedial measures immediately-"

"If it comes to that, you'll take the blame."

He shouldn't have been surprised, but the words felt like a slap, and Tadashi stiffened, saying nothing.

Ainosuke continued speaking.

"Everything was done by you on your own accord, as my secretary. I knew none of it."

Tadashi did not reply. After a pause, Ainosuke glanced back at him. His face showed no hesitation; instead he looked as if he was daring Tadashi to argue.

"Dissatisfied?"

Tadashi had already smoothed all trace of emotion from his expression. 

"No. I have no opinions." The phrase had gotten easier to say over time, even without Aiichirou-sama around to remind him that he was not paid to speak against his masters.

Ainosuke looked back to the window, the look of pain and betrayal on Tadashi's face reflected in the glass.

"Of course. You've always been like that."

That conversation had been playing in Tadashi's head the entire time he was skating. Being on a board again was thrilling, but the feeling of freedom was clouded over by regret and rage. After all, he wasn't racing for fun; he was there because it was the only way he could think to get through to Ainosuke at that point. And it had worked, because now, standing before him on the catwalk of the abandoned factory, Ainosuke looked more angry than Tadashi had ever seen him before in his life.

"What is the meaning of this?"

Tadashi didn't answer. The words he'd wanted to say had been simmering in his mind the entire race, but he had long ago been trained to hold his tongue, and it wasn't easy to overcome more than a decade of conditioning. Ainosuke had many tactics with which to keep Tadashi silent, not excluding quite literally holding his tongue. But the devices of leather and metal were far weaker than the invisible force keeping his mouth shut at that moment. And the emotions that crackled across their flushed skin like static electricity back then were far different from the bitterness and anger hanging in the air between them now.

"I don't remember authorizing you to enter the tournament."

Silence.

Ainosuke strode towards him, face contorted with fury.

"Answer me, Tadashi!" He smacked the cap off of Tadashi's head, finally affording him a clear line of sight.

Actually, this wasn't so different, was it? They were finally looking at each other eye-to-eye, for the first time in what felt like years. Ainosuke's voice was a growl, nothing like the saccharine tones he used with his skating competitors or the Diet members. He looked like he was on the brink of something, like if Tadashi pushed him just a little bit farther he'd explode in the heat of passion. 

"This is to go up against you."

When Ainosuke spoke again, his voice was almost a whisper.

"What?"

"If I win, I will have you renounce skating, Ainosuke-sama." Saying the words out loud made him feel like something was breaking, but he fought to appear unaffected. He knew just how much skating meant to Ainosuke. It was his everything. He was sucked in so deep, Tadashi wasn't sure if he could ever climb back out. But he had to try. For the sake of the all the kids who'd been hurt in his races, for the sake of all the political opponents who'd been ruined by Ainosuke's ruthlessness, for the sake of the person Ainosuke used to be before he'd gone half-insane from chasing his own desires.

"Do you think you can win against me?"

"You may have forgotten, but I was the one who taught you how to skate."

And there it was, the thing that pushed him over the edge. Ainosuke buried his fist in the fabric of Tadashi's jacket, yanking him forward until their faces were just centimeters apart.

"You're going to tell me this after all this time?"

Ainosuke's face was flushed, his brow quivering. By comparison, Tadashi's composure was perfect, steady. Tadashi knew exactly how much Ainosuke must have hated the role-reversal. After all, the reason he'd loved Tadashi was because he'd always submit to him, wasn't it?

"I will win against you."

His vision spun as he was shoved to the ground. Above him, Ainosuke snarled.

"Go ahead and try it."

Before he could stand again, he felt Ainosuke's fist clench through his hair, and his scalp seared with pain as Ainosuke lifted him back up to just below eye-level.

"A dog cannot disobey his owner. I'll demonstrate that to your body."

No, after all, maybe this was exactly the same as back then. He had never stopped being used for the sake of Ainosuke's pleasure. He felt like he was being burned alive from the inside out, only this time it was from hatred instead of whatever it was before. He had no name for what had existed between him and Ainosuke. No single word could describe the chains that had bound him for as long as he could remember. Obligation was what drove him to follow Ainosuke's every order, regardless of the consequences. If Ainosuke said left he'd go left, and if he told him right instead instead he'd offer his right cheek for punishment. Why he stayed by Ainosuke's side, watched him morph from a hurt little boy desperate to please to a sadistic monster willing to hurt anyone for his own gain, why Tadashi accepted everything wordlessly, was hopeless devotion. Even if Ainosuke were to tell him he no longer needed him, he wouldn't be able to run away, because he'd still be held down by invisible chains. He'd offered his body, his soul, his freedom, and his humanity, for the sake of bringing Ainosuke back from the edge of the cliff he walked on. But nothing had kept Ainosuke from spiralling out of control.

So now Tadashi would do the only thing he had left. He was the reason Ainosuke had started skating, after all, and he was the reason Ainosuke had started down the path of depravity. And if taking away the only thing Ainosuke truly loved was what it took to fix things, that's what he'd do, no matter the cost. To extend his hand to the place he couldn't reach, the place where Ainosuke was—he could only call that love.

* * *

_Adam_

"So...does your skit go on for a while longer? It's almost time for us to start."

Cherry Blossom and Joe ignored him, continuing to talk amongst themselves. That was fine; Adam wanted to keep the foreplay to a minimum. He had no interest in skating with Cherry, but that was the fate that had been selected for him, and he was not one to argue with fate.

At the sound of the buzzer, they both took off, evenly matched. As they approached a corner, Adam could hear the cold, electronic voice of Cherry's skateboard.

"15 meters ahead, 30 degrees. Ten more seconds."

"I can't wait that long," Adam murmured. Skating ahead of Cherry, he spread his legs and prepared for a Love Hug. It was the worst kind of hug, though, because there was no real love behind it. Adam couldn't feel the least little bit excited. He'd already held Cherry before, in the past, in another lifetime. They simply weren't meant to be. Cherry was so calculated now, just a regular person using AI to perform the moves of a top class skater. The kind of person who closed his eyes and used his little robot voice to tell him how to dodge the Love Hug.

Ah, it was so depressing, Adam felt he might cry. The lack of love wrenched at his heart; he was cast back to all of those who'd pretended to love him. Cherry Blossom, Tadashi, his father—they all made him feel so empty, like a dried-up, withered flower. Their love felt like thorns, like bleach poured over his petals instead of water. Were dreams beautiful because they couldn't come true? Was all kindness only superficial? Was it unacceptable for him to live freely?

As they rounded a corner, Cherry nudged his board against Adam's, looking back over his shoulder to see Adam's reaction. Just like he always had, as though he couldn't stand to skate without receiving acknowledgement. 

Adam's heart clenched, and he felt nauseous. Cold sweat trickled down his back, and he suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. Thinking about how they used to skate, compared to now, was more than he could bear. This was nothing like skating with Snow, who skated like he was intoxicated by it, like he was gulping in huge lungfuls of air after breaking the surface of water. Adam could still see so clearly in his mind the boy's soft, white face, the worlds expanding and collapsing in his shining eyes. He was like a tiny newborn bird, spreading its wings for the first time. His long, lean body had been so pliable, so easy to sweep along in their dance, and the noises he'd made had been absolutely delicious, punctuating the tango music Adam felt pulsing through the night air. When the boy, grinning, had lunged towards him, pulling their bodies flush, his knees slipping around Adam's—the euphoria coursing through Adam's entire body as they spun was like nothing he'd ever felt before or since. And when Snow had dodged his Love Hug, had flown above him like an Angel in Heaven, every single cell in Adam's body seemed to vibrate, humming in synchronicity, as though a key had been turned in him, setting long-rusty gears into motion. The stars had shined, and he knew he'd been born just for the gift of experiencing that single moment. He'd wanted to swallow the boy whole, keep him inside of him forever; he wanted their race to never end, to spend eternity being drenched in this pleasure, his body being emptied out and built back up over and over again, until his heart overlooked his physical body in a world with no tomorrow. This was the love he had been searching for all this time, the fulfillment of all his dreams, his raison d'etre. 

He fell behind Cherry, who sped ahead. He had to get out of here, he had to fly away. Cherry was still racing intently, focused only on the goal. He was like a child, foolishly optimistic and unshakeably hopeful, and Adam wanted to cry for him. He was trapped, bound by invisible chains, and he wasn't even aware of them. The only way to truly be free was to disillusion oneself of one's silly fantasies. All Adam wanted was to live freely.

He raced ahead of him, stretching his limbs as he danced on his board. He'd break these chains and set them both free. Spinning rapidly, he descended from his board and dashed towards Cherry, who was racing forward to meet him. 

The impact of his board colliding with Cherry's face rippled through his arm muscles, down his torso, all the way to his feet, like a lightning strike heading to the ground.

Adam walked towards Cherry, who had been knocked back several meters.

"As always, your skating has no surprises. It's overcalculated, so it can never cross the line."

He stopped, looking down at Cherry's still form. "Let me tell you. The reason why I didn't respond to your beef was simply because it was boring."

He turned, spreading his arms in the direction of the cameras. "In comparison, Snow! You are truly wonderful. You should be able to go together with me. Because you are the one I found...Eve!"

Snow was the answer to the words of love he'd been blindly calling out this whole time. He'd loved as if he were fighting to survive, and now he was entering the finale, kicking off of the dreams he'd spent all his time building up to now. The waves of time were finally being erased, and he could no longer remember the start of his journey.

* * *

_Cherry Blossom_

The first thing Kaoru was aware of when he came to was the splitting pain in his head, his jaw, and his arm, all tightly wound in medical gauze. The second thing he was aware of was that he'd need to prepare non-disclosure agreements for the hospital staff that had tended to him, because here in the hospital, he was Sakurayashiki Kaoru, not Cherry Blossom, and Sakurayashiki Kaoru the calligrapher did not get injured in beefs. Neither did Cherry Blossom, until now. Until racing Adam.

The third thing he was aware of was the man sitting in the chair next to the door of his room. Joe? No, this person was shaped like a normal human being instead of an over-muscled protein-shake advertisement of a man. Kaoru strained to make out the face in the dimmed lights of the hospital room.

"Oh, are you awake?"

Having noticed Kaoru's consciousness, the man stood and walked closer to the bed. Kaoru recognized him as Adam's secretary, though he struggled to recall his name. Tadashi, right? Kaoru pictured the name written out in calligraphy, the solid strokes of ink befitting their meaning: loyalty and devotion.

"Why are you here?" Kaoru winced, pain flashing through his jaw from speaking.

"I wanted to apologize to you for what happened tonight. And let you know that your hospital bill has been taken care of."

Kaoru struggled to sit up. "You didn't have to do that."

"It's the only thing I can do to make reparations."

_And we both know Adam won't take responsibility _, Kaoru wanted to say.__

____

____

Neither spoke for a moment.

"What the hell happened to him in America?" Kaoru muttered.

"Forgive my bluntness, but I don't believe that his current behavior is entirely a result of his time abroad."

Kaoru laughed bitterly. "Who the hell can even say?"

Tadashi sighed, then sat in the chair next to Kaoru's bed, shoulders slumping a bit. He looked exhausted.

"I don't think any single person or event can be blamed for Ainosuke-sama's current state. If anyone is at fault, it's me. I take full responsibility for this incident."

Kaoru shook his head. "Don't. Adam is a grown adult. He did this on his own accord. This wasn't fate, or bad luck, or a random act of god. These were all choices he made."

"Even so, I've been watching over him for nearly our entire lives. If there was any way to avoid this outcome, I should have been able to do so."

Kaoru recalled the few times he'd interacted with Tadashi back in high school, always when he'd shown up to drag Adam back to his overcontrolling family, always cleaning up after him, especially when Adam had started to go off the rails. He'd always thought that if anyone would have been able to set Adam straight, it'd be Tadashi, the only person whose words seemed to have any affect on him. Suddenly, he was annoyed.

"'Ifs' and 'should haves' are completely meaningless. Who knows why Adam became the person he is now? He's insane. There's nothing any of us can do about it."

"No. He's not insane." Kaoru's head whipped up to stare at Tadashi. His expression was resolute. "Ainosuke-sama has become so caught up in chasing his own desires that he's lost sight of everything else. He is no longer able to connect with other human beings." His hands clenched into fists in his lap, the slight movement not escaping Kaoru's notice. "Ainosuke-sama's family has always prioritized self-fulfillment above all else. The 'love' that he imposes upon others is merely his attempt to satisfy his own desires. I fear that the more he pushes others away, the farther he'll be from ever reaching true satisfaction."

Kaoru stayed quiet, reading the expression on Tadashi's face. Pain and rage silently flickered across his features and were quickly doused. He looked exactly the way Kaoru felt. Finally, he responded.

"I have no idea what's going on between the two of you, and quite honestly, I don't want to. But you should get the hell out of it. Did you think you were special to Adam? You're not; none of us are anymore. That's not going to stop him from hurting you."

Tadashi shook his head. "I can't do that. I have a responsibility to try to help him. This is my fault."

Kaoru gritted his teeth, ignoring the pain burning his jaw. "You keep saying that, but I don't see how any of this is your fault. If anything, it sounds like his family shoulders more of the blame. There's no reason for you to stick around and get burned for it."

"Genuine love makes Ainosuke-sama feel weak. I believe that's why he's started skating in such a violent way." His gaze dropped to the floor. "That was my mistake."

Something like a shard of glass pierced Kaoru's chest. He recognized the look on Tadashi's face—it was the expression of those who'd been thrown away. Kaoru wondered if Adam kissed him with his eyes open, already looking past him towards his next dream.

"It was my mistake, too."

Long after Tadashi left, Kaoru lay awake staring at the ceiling. The image in his head of himself, Joe, and Adam as teenagers was superimposed on the cracked panels. Looking back, he wasn't sure how he'd ever fallen under Adam's spell. After all, part of his charisma was the way he didn't seem to give a damn about anybody or anything. But Kaoru had assumed he was special. Adam had made him believe he was special. And when Adam started going down his path alone, Kaoru had truly believed he could pull him back. Looking at Tadashi earlier, Kaoru knew that he must have looked exactly the same all those years ago as Tadashi did now. He wanted to tell him the same thing Joe had tried to tell him before the competition, that there was no way to return to the past.

He had never considered himself to have been manipulated before. He'd never thought of himself as a victim; it still felt wrong to think of himself that way. He never really thought he'd been betrayed. But that's what this was, the heat coursing through his body, the tension clamping his stomach as if he'd eaten something spoiled. He felt like someone had reached inside him and turned him inside out. He felt like an idiot. Adam had put on a show of smoke and mirrors, a circus act that was nothing but clever tricks and careful staging, and Kaoru had eaten it up. Had he really had no inkling of what would happen that entire time? Was he that easily deceived, that Adam could do it without even trying? The moment Adam had hit him had been like a mirror shattering only to reflect the truth. And once it was gone, the trick seemed so stupidly obvious. 

How had Adam set this all up so that he'd come out on top and Kaoru would lose it all? Just how rigged was this zero-sum game that Kaoru hadn't even known he'd be playing? He wasn't sure what was worse, the knowledge that Adam apparently hadn't even been trying to hurt Kaoru specifically—that Kaoru was just collateral damage—or that Kaoru had spent so much time and energy and love on him, and even now he couldn't bring himself to wholeheartedly hate him. 

Could it have been called love? Could anything that turned out like this be called love? Was it possible to have loved someone in a way that was true while under false pretenses? Was it possible to have loved someone that made you loathe yourself? How could something that was once love turn into nothing?

He supposed he should hate Adam now, but he couldn't even bring himself to feel that. He was just done. He was disappointed, angry, hurt. But he couldn't scrape together the energy to loathe Adam properly. Adam had used him, used him up, and there wasn't enough of him left to feel anything but empty. 

But, well, he was certain Joe would hate Adam enough for the two of them now. He was pretty sure Reki hated him too, and Miya, and Shadow, and maybe even Langa, regardless of how badly he wanted to skate against him. And probably, Tadashi would too, someday. 

Finally, he hauled himself out of bed. He didn't want to be here in a place that echoed the emptiness inside him. He didn't want to go home; he had a feeling that even if he went, it wouldn't feel like home. He didn't want to go to S, or to the abandoned rest stop by the waterfront. He wanted to see Joe. To lay here and count the things that were lost—maybe that could be called love, but if that was love, it came at far too high a cost. He was throwing his cards on the table and walking away. He'd already lost enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, the fact that the first fanfic I post in 2021 is for the skateboarding anime of all things is crazy, and what's even crazier is that it's one of the angstiest pieces I've ever written. I was just very intrigued by the relationships these four characters have with each other and exploring what each might be thinking and feeling about those relationships. Lately, I've been thinking that I wanted to write a piece that would be emotionally gripping yet fundamentally unsatisfying, and I think I might've done that by accident here maybe, so...yay me? I'm not really sure if that's actually a good thing though....  
> Also, a lot of the lines are from song lyrics, but I'm not telling you which ones ;) ~~hahaha i can't feel real emotion anymore so i use music as a substitute~~


End file.
